I want to jump off a very high ledge....

For the LOVE of god. so, I had an appt with my OB today. I have another cyst on my right ovary, but my left side hurts something fierce. so, I go back in 2 weeks and I have to make appts at 2 infertility clinics between now and then. Dr wants to see who will take an more "advanced" approach. So, let the mileage begin. Its so easy for the dr to say to go out of town, he doesn't live off my salary, but if anything helps, I guess its worth a try. the metformin side affects aren't as bad as they were before, thank god for that. I go to my family dr Friday and I'm sure my dosage will be raised. CANT FREAKING WAIT....

is it Friday yet???? at 5:30...

started a new med

Metformin.....YIKES....boy oh boy people weren't joking about being in the bathroom. I actually lost another pound. No wonder.

This should help me with multiple things, loosing more weight, regulate my period and regulate my sugar. the downfall is no drinking. the way I look at it, is of I was pregnant I wouldn't be drinking anyways. Let see how I do over the weekend. I go back to the dr in 6 weeks, my family dr that is. I still havent been back to my infertility specialist since December.

I got the letter from the insuance company, so lets see if we can get that grant!

after 5 months

Of fighting with the insurance company, still no answer. My human Resources dept had a conference call with them and everything and still NOTHING. I am even more frustrated than ever.
Work has been hell today and I was about an inch away from having a breakdown. Between work, fighting with the insurance company and trying to have a kid, I'm surprised I'm not in a padded room at a physc ward. I am exhausted and its from all the stress. I hate stress, and if one more person tells me to relax, I'm going to knock them the fuck out. I deal with things the best I know how and its not the easiest way sometimes. All I want to do is go home, eat dinner and go to bed.

I fell and nobody helped me up...

Can you believe it...I fell and nobody helped me, I just sat there stunned. I don't know what happened to me, just plain old fell and hurt my knee.

I am so sick and tired of having bad days, I seriously feel like I am going to explode. I need to have a major breakdown, just at a right time, not at work! I can feel the pressure building in my body.

I need a break from the world and a vacation.....and a drink!

I FEEL LIKE SHIT....

So, it took 52 days for me to get my period and let me tell you, I WISH I HAD NEVER GOTTEN it. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Compared to last time I had it, I"m not flooding, but I have cramps so bad that wont go away and my stomach hurts.....Times like this is when I ask myself, is it worth the pain and suffering to keep trying to have a baby....YES, as long as it pays off.

So, the insurance company is a piece of shit....I like the word shit tonight. I have been waiting since late February for a letter from them, its now May 29th and still no letter. The Dr's office is trying to get us grant money to do another in-vitro but cant do anything until we get the damn letter from the insurance company....

On another note, SEX AND THE CITY the movie opens tomorrow and a bunch of us gals are going, I hope I feel better...Thank god tomorrow is Friday! This week flew by! Another busy week at work!

Good night, I'm tired and my ovaries hurt!

so sad...

Today is just one of those days, GOD GET ME PREGNANT. So, I have been fighting with the insurance company for months, literally about 5 months. I was extremely lucky to have insurance cover my first 2 IVF's and it should cover a third, but they are saying I maxed out my benefits. WHATEVER, every time I call or the Dr office calls, we get a different story. I am so just frustrated and sad that I have been so patient and to think I may never be able to do another treatment. We would never be able to afford it on our own. Today is day number 47 of my cycle and my period is nowhere in sight and I just want to crawl in a ball and cry and hide from the world. I am so thankful its a long weekend. I keep all this bottled up inside me because none of my friends understand the mental pain I deal with day after day. But its not everyday I am sad, it comes and goes in spurts. I do not go one day thinking about having a child. Will this ever go away?? Most likely not... Its coming up on a year since my last Laperoscopy and that's when all the craziness started, I wish I could go back and maybe do things a little different.

So I am sad today and want it to end.... Have a nice day!!!

watching American Idool

I am posting and watching AI. So, one of my last posts was when I had Aunt Flow something fierce. I have not had Aunt Flow since. WEIRD I know, and I keep getting BFN's, However, they had me on some medication that stopped my ovaries and I believe I ovulated last week, so lets keep our fingers crossed!!!

Nothing really new, just looking forward to the weekend and the weather is suppose to be GREAT!!!!

So Lets ROCK David Cook!!!! I hope someone is reading this, but its is a good way for me to get my thoughts out.

Have a nice night! ((((Hugs))))